The Vanishing Act

Hope the 4th was a good one for all!
I went through a mental tug-of-war about what I could/could not post in this blog. Can I be honest, and say exactly what I feel? How revealing should I be? Will it be perceived as hurtful?
Now I realize that it does not matter one bit...the individuals that would know who I was referring to, and the situations I may mention, are not reading this...so I will feel free to be as honest as possible.
How do I know that this is the case? The Ex made several blog friends when we were together, and consequently, I became friends with some of them as well. When I started my blog, they added me to their list of blog friends, so that others could find it. Upon review the other day-I noticed that I have been removed from all lists...thus the name of this post.
Am I surprised? Yes and no. I understand that with a break-up, there are sides to be chosen. What hurts is that some of these people I really came to value as friends. Oh well, I guess you live and learn-right?
What I really find fascinating is the ability of people to just "move on"...as if 3 years never happened.
How is that possible?
I am aware of the fact that one has to do this in order to be whole again-but what is wrong with a bit of a grief period?
The most overwhelming emotion I feel right now is anger: anger at the lost opportunities, anger at the constant struggle, anger at feeling like I lost so much, and he lost nothing, anger at having to learn how to trust again, anger at wanting to believe so fervently that things would be different, anger at trying to be spontaneous, only to be hammered into the ground for it.
I am dramatic, but the sentiment remains the same. I never thought I was a hopeless romantic, but now I see that I am. Flowers, cards, surprise candle-lit dinners...that sort of thing melts my heart, and I waited for it....but it never arrived.
In all fairness-he is a loving, caring, sweet, kind, compassionate person that will always bring a smile to my face, and will hold a special place in my heart.
I understand that I am TOO MUCH: too loud, too brash, too bold, too confrontational, too sexual, too boisterous...but at all times I was up-front and honest about it.
Can I say the same for him?
Granted, there is something to be said for restraint...but when it inhibits emotional growth, then something's gotta give...
I scaled back so that we could flourish as a couple, and now I see that I scaled back so much that I lost myself.
As Fleetwood Mac stated "Is it over now? Do you know how...to pick up the pieces and go home?"
Time for me to find out.....